Matters of the Heart

Aah its been too long..

And I feel like writing again.. There is something that initiates it. The feeling when you want to express your thoughts. When you want to let the world know what’s going on inside the frontal lobes of your brain.

And these thoughts are a culmination of all that’s going around us. Every action initiates a thought process in us which sums up to millions of thoughts that comes across in our minds each day. These very thoughts are the reason why we do, what we do. Why we behave, like we behave. Moreover, we can segregate a good though from a bad one and act accordingly.

And that’s the problem with the heart. It works on an entirely different philosophy. You don’t speak your heart, It speaks for you. You don’t decide what you want for yourself. It will for you. You can only come up with a plan. It’s the heart that would actually come up with the will to accomplish it.

Its a very complex organ. It will dance to its own tune, no matter what you must have thought of, for yourself. And mine is even crazier a specimen. It just doesn’t stops the salsa & jazz inside me.

The way in which our heart functions, has always amazed me. Plus god forbid if a girl is involved in the proceedings, rest assured you have a roller coaster ride up your sleeve.
I would blame the movies for this, but I have always fancied a classical love story for myself, the kind, legends are made up of. And due to which I have fallen in love and out of it quite often just to find my perfect story.

I remember long ago, one of my close friends asked me one day, What do you think about Love? I instantly replied him, ‘Love is a habit.’ That was the time when I was in my I-want-a-perfect-lovestory phase. And it continued for quite sometime. Till few things changed around me.

I found myself bald, on the hospital bed, with a deep scar on my belly. Some kind of a liquid was being injected inside me through a pipe that ran right inside my veins and ran all the way to my chest. I don’t know if it was that single moment or a collective thought. But, I found Love.

It is never about having a perfect love story with the perfect person. Its about being able to admire someone with their imperfections . All our lives, we keep searching for the right person for us, and in the process ignore the ones that has been there all throughout and yet never complained. Look around you. Are you with the right people? The one you say you are in love with, is it really love? Sometimes asking these questions to ourselves might show us the real picture. And that picture, my friend, can be scary!

The real test to this is, when we loose it all. That’s when the lot that sticks to you are the one’s for the keeps. During my cancer days, quite a lot of my so called ‘good & real friends’ thought I won’t survive and left my side. There was a time when these very people used to hang around me 24*7 but then I was, what we call, the ‘popular guy’ in college. Do I feel sad, for they left? No, never. In fact, I am thankful to them. They taught me the biggest lessons in my life. They made me appreciate the one’s who stayed by my side through the pain and brought me out of it. The one’s that never complained, the one’s that never lost the hope on me. Love & Friendship are two very twisted cases. And we always make the wrong choices first, that way we realize the value of the one’s who are meant to be, better.

Nothing has changed much from then on. Two years later, I still am the ‘popular guy’ in college & my workplace but I have my ‘real friends’ by my side. And a newfound ability to judge people right at Hello. I don’t make the wrong choices anymore.

Life has its own way of teaching you stuff. I have learned it the hard way but its engraved in me now.

For Mom & Dad, With Love!

The Best People In The World - My Mom & Dad

The Best People In The World – My Mom & Dad

This life that we have, no matter how deep a shit we might be in at the moment, is the most beautiful gift we can ever have. People come and go, situations change but the basic truth remains, Life goes on. And in this never ending cycle of events, there are these one set of people who will stay with you, guide you, protect you and shower over you that unconditional love, forever and ever, Our very own Parents.
Some one rightly said, God can’t be every where so He made mothers. And its indeed so. A mother is perhaps the only species in the world that thinks from the heart and heart only. She took the pain of carrying you within her, for 9 long months and though the doctor may have cut the umbilical chord at the time of the birth, but the connection with her child remains well intact all throughout her life span. She is one person who can actually die for you, just to see you happy and successful.
Similarly for the ‘Fathers’. If you ask me, every time I am in front of my Dad, I try to impress him. He is like my idol, the only person in the world I actually look up to. My Dad has taught me some of the biggest lessons in life. The virtue of patience and humility being numero uno. I wish I could inherit even a small bit of his nature and abilities, I would consider myself an accomplished person.
I cherish being with my parents more than ever now. When I was a kid, just about to go to school, I had to live at my maternal grandparent’s place due to some safety issues since my Dad was posted in Bihar then and kidnapping cases in Bihar were very common. My Dad being on a high post in Education Department, couldn’t risk it and plus there were hardly any good schools around. So I had to stay with my Nani, Nana, Mama, Mami, cousins. Not that I had a bad childhood, my Nani and Nana are probably the best people in the world, but yes, I did miss growing up with my own parents.
It almost took me 20 years to realize their true value. In 2010 when I was diagnosed with cancer, after completing the first year of my graduation, my mom and my brother left everything else and stayed with me for 7 long months in Gurgaon while I was under going treatment. Dad used to be their in the weekends and trust me, it might sound crazy to you all, but those were the best days of my life. I might have been dying then, but I never felt better.
Though they were in a lot of pain then. They never let me know about their agony, but I could see it in their eyes, how much they loved me and couldn’t see me in a state like that. It is for their love and care that I am alive today. I wouldn’t have survived it otherwise. My life really changed from that point onwards. I was like any teenager before, confused, with no set goals in life, fascinated by alcohol, girls, late night parties. These 7 months changed my outlook towards life. I now seek the goal in my life which is to make my parents happy by being a successful person. I have given them enough reason to worry for long, its now time for me to pay back. They have given me this beautiful life, and I have now dedicated it to their happiness. I have promised myself to work real hard and make their dreams come true.
Some day they will have no reasons to complain, someday they will be proud of me, for being their son. And that someday is going to be very very soon! Amen!